A Woman’s Right to Choose: On Shoes, Womanhood, and Quiet Revolutions

I’ve always loved watching the original series of Sex and the City, not just for the fashion or city scenes, but for the connection between the women and how fiercely they protected each other’s well-being. At first glance, the show seemed fun and lighthearted, but beneath the surface it was deeply layered and far ahead of its time. It was a show by women, for women, and it often explored topics that were considered too sticky, too raw, or simply too uncomfortable to talk about out loud.

There’s an episode in season 6 titled “A Woman’s Right to Shoes.” While it begins with a pair of lost designer heels, it’s really about something far more layered, a subtle exploration of a woman’s right to choose her desires and life path without shame. The episode reveals the quiet ways women are shamed for their choices when they don’t fit the expected mold. Carrie is ridiculed for caring about her shoes, for being single, and for not having children. As though her desires are frivolous simply because they don’t revolve around someone else’s expectations.

The Weight of Judgment: On a Woman’s Right to Choose

Carrie is judged not just for loving expensive shoes, but for being single, for not having children, as though her choices make her less worthy of celebration or support. What struck me is how familiar that kind of quiet, and often subtle dismissal feels. And in many ways, it seems even sharper today. Women are judged for choosing motherhood and for not choosing it, for having careers and for walking away from them, for being too ambitious or not ambitious enough, for being too feminine or not feminine enough…

The real question behind the judgment is always the same: Who does she think she is?

The message is clear: no matter what path you take, someone will tell you it’s the wrong one. And sometimes, heartbreakingly, that someone is another woman or even ourselves.

The Internal Critic

I know this judgment well. Because sometimes, I catch myself doing it. Without realizing it in the moment, I find myself questioning my choices, wondering if they’re enough or right. It’s like an automatic response, ingrained in my upbringing and my neural pathways, shaped by the subtle (and not so subtle) messages women receive about what they should want and how they should live.

It’s an internalized critic that whispers, “Who do you think you are?”. A question I still struggle to silence at times. But luckily, there’s a part of me that refuses to conform, that quietly rebels against any form of suppression, even when that suppression comes from within. No wonder we’re exhausted, with all those inner battles raging on automatic pilot.

The Courage to Want

To want is to risk being seen. To admit it to ourselves is to open up to a vulnerability we might not even realize we’ve been avoiding. Wanting requires us to acknowledge our desires. Not just the ones that fit neatly into expectations but the ones that feel a little messy, a little unpolished.

Wanting something outside of what you’ve seen in your own environment isn’t just an act of desire, it’s a radical act of courage. It requires bravery to embrace a need or want that’s been deemed unconceivable by those who shaped your world. For example, the simple idea of having cleaning help might seem luxurious or even unnecessary to some, but for others, it represents a shift in how we value our time and our peace.

In a world that often tells women to want less, to be satisfied with what they’re given, it takes courage to want at all. To claim your desire without apology and to say, I choose this. I choose me… Is an act of rebellion. It’s a quiet revolution that begins in our hearts, but echoes through everything we do.

A Revolution of Women’s Unapologetic Wants

Why is it that when a woman dares to want something for herself, society acts like she’s asking for the moon? Well, it’s time we stop letting that nonsense dictate how we show up for each other. It’s high time we champion one another’s desires, no matter how bold, how unexpected, or how “untraditional” they may seem.

Imagine a world where women didn’t hold back, where we didn’t judge one another for wanting the things we actually want, not what others expect. The truth is, supporting each other’s wants is the ultimate act of rebellion. It’s not just about celebrating the big wins; it’s about acknowledging the small, courageous desires, too. Whether it’s deciding to step away from a career, adopting dogs instead of having kids, simply hire cleaning help without guilt or choosing to sit down and read instead of being hypnotized by hustle culture (as I wrote about in Why Reading is A Form of Quiet Rebellion ), we should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down.

We are not a threat to each other, nor is our right to choose. We are here to inspire each other. And when we truly back each other’s wants, we don’t just build a community, we ignite a movement.

This is your life, your work of art.
Your body. Your heart. Your longing.
And you are allowed to choose.

Love,

Wendy